


breath sonny

by soranpreath



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: 3+3, Angst, Anxiety, F/F, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 09:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29997249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soranpreath/pseuds/soranpreath
Summary: a request from an anon: "Could you write a fic where Sonnett has anxiety and gets really bad panic attacks?"Three times Sonnett's alone when she has a panic attack, and three times she's notcome chat with me on tumblr @soranpreath!!!!
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Kudos: 24





	breath sonny

1: 

Emily Sonnett was a nervous person. It was just a part of her, like how she had a sister or how she had played for UVA. But, with the added stressors from playing professional soccer, her nervousness turned into anxiety, which turned into pretty regular panic attacks. 

She was the only one flying back to Marietta, Kelley and Mal both had other places they were going to stop by before flying home after their loss in the 2016 Olympics. Sonnett was only an alternate, but that made her feel even worse. She couldn’t have done anything to make them win instead of lose, and that thought crushed her.

So, there she was up in the air on a plane 35,000 feet from the ground, and she started to feel that same warmness and heart racing she was ever so familiar with. She knew what was happening, but she knew she couldn’t let this happen here. Not now. So, she looked out the window and tried to practice some of the breathing one of her therapists had taught her. 

It wasn’t working. She felt tears start to stream down her face. She tried to stop them, she tried to pretend everything was okay. She was devastated with herself for not being able to help the team win. She felt like their loss was all her fault. The lady next to her sympathetically offered her a tissue. Emily finally was able to calm down about 20 minutes later.

When she finally landed, she spent another 30 minutes in the airport bathroom trying to make herself presentable, because she  _ really  _ did not want to have to explain her appearance to her family. She called her uber, and put on her “Georgia” smile.

2:

She knew her anxiety was worse when she was tired, so when she woke up to meet Mal for a 6am training session, she knew that if she didn’t get any caffeine in her soon, she would have a hard day.    
So, when she went into her favorite coffee shop, and saw they were closed, she figured this day would be bad.   
  
She was right about the anxiety. She saw Lindsey’s story, where she was hanging out with some girl whom Emily had never heard of before. Lindsey had never introduced them, and Emily started to feel a little bit jealous.

Then, the thoughts started.  _ She’s cheating on me. She never loved me. She realized how  _ broken _ I am, and has finally had enough. She hates me. _

Emily knew that these were irrational thoughts, but nothing she did could stop them. She knew that Lindsey loved her, and that she wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt her.

Sonnett knew that during these times, all she could do was wait for the thoughts to pass. So, she sat down on the floor (a change of scenery always helped her), and tried to breath through the panic attack.

  
  


3:

Sonnett was on a run, something she tried to do daily in the offseason. But then, she felt the ever-so-familiar tightness in her chest. Her form started to fall, as her hands started to tremble uncontrollably. 

Often, when she had a panic attack, she could pinpoint a part of her day that she was especially anxious, or a part that could’ve triggered it, but she couldn’t figure out why that day. She had a relatively chill day, getting coffee earlier, and taking Bagel for a walk.

  
So, on her run, when she started to shake and her breath started to hitch, she couldn’t figure out why. But, she knew that she should probably stop running long enough to calm down.

So, she sat down in the park that she had been running through, back against a tree trunk, and practiced the breathing exercises she had planned out with her therapist. That seemed to do the trick this time, as she eventually started to feel like herself again.

She just had to remember to keep breathing.

  
  


1: 

She knew it was a mistake. She knew that the first tackle on Christen was dirty. She deserved the yellow card. But then, she fouled Amy Rodriguez, and everything happened so fast. Amy got all up in her face, and the ref sprinted over and showed her the red. 

Amy was yelling at her, telling her she wasn’t worthy of the USWNT, that she couldn’t play, and that she never should’ve gone pro. Telling her she wasn’t worthy of the title of professional athlete.

Emily’s face went white as a sheet. She felt a tug, as Tobin got her attention. “Sonny, you have to go off the field now.” She realized that with her red card, she would have to go sit in the locker room waiting until her team finished the game a man down. 

She slowly walked off the field, oblivious to the fact that Lindsey would soon thereafter receive a yellow card for pushing ARod down out of the blue. She walked into the ever so familiar locker room at Providence Park, all of her senses heightened.

  
Before she knew what was happening, she collapsed into her locker. She felt like she was playing in 110 degree heat in sweatpants and a hoodie. She couldn’t hear anything. Her vision clouded over, and she was unaware of the tears that were streaming down her face.

She was unaware that the game had already ended, and of Tobin touching her arm gently. She was unaware of Tobin saying, “Hey Son, can you breath for me?” She was unaware of Tobin bringing her outside of the locker room into an unabandoned hallway. She was unaware of Tobin gently rubbing circles on her back.

  
When she finally returned to reality, she heard Tobin softly mumbling “It’s okay Son, you’re gonna be okay. Just breath”

  
  


2:

January camp was going to be a tough one. It was the year of the Olympics, so Vlatko needed to evaluate their form and eventually get down to a roster of 18. Sonnett’s anxiety had been acting up, and in turn she hadn’t been eating as much. So, her weight had dropped, which didn’t help her performance.

So, on the first day of camp, after they had run the beep test and the Man U test, she felt completely drained. She was rooming with Alyssa as usual, so she had the room to herself as Alyssa iced her shoulder in the recovery room. Sonnett had been spending too much time alone lately, which had led to lots of overthinking.

Yet, when Mark called from the Thorns, she did not expect him to tell her that she was being traded. She had stepped outside to take the call, finding an abandoned hallway. She picked up, and heard Mark say, in a more professional than normal voice, “Hey Emily. I’m just calling to give you a heads up that we’ve been discussing the trade market. There’s a really good chance that we can get Sophia Smith with the first round draft pick if we make a trade. Unfortunately, we have to trade you and Caitlin to the Pride. You’ve been a great addition to the team and we wish you nothing but the best.” And then, she heard the dial tone. He had hung up on her before she had the chance to say anything.

She walked back to her room, and the walls started to close in on her. She couldn’t breath. She managed to pull her hotel key out of her back pocket and slid it into the door. She managed to get the door open before she burst into tears. She couldn’t breath and she slid into the floor. What she didn’t know, however, was that Alyssa was already by her side.

Alyssa had been with Sonnett through a few panic attacks with her before, and had already texted Kelley. She knew that Emily felt guilty any time anyone had to help her, but especially Lindsey, so she saved her the embarrassment later and just called Kelley.

Kelley sat with her until she calmed down, helping her take slow, deep breaths in, along with Alyssa who just rubbed Sonnett’s back, knowing that physical touch helped her calm down.

“Just Breath, Em, we’ve got you. Just breath”

  
  


3:

She never thought she would be here. Packing her bags to leave the love of her life. Leaving Portland. Leaving the only city she had ever played professionally. Leaving her second home.

But, she only had one more day in Portland. Her flight to Orlando was the next day at 1pm, so she had to finish packing up all of her clothes. Lindsey was in the other room, playing with Fergy, giving Sonny space. 

But, when she brought her a coffee to cheer her up, she found Sonnett sitting on the floor with her back against the bed, obviously trying to practice breathing, as her chest rose and fell fastly.

Lindsey moved over and sat down next to her, offering her hand, which Sonny gracefully took in her own. “Hey Em, you breathing okay?” Lindsey asked, and was met with a nod but also some tears from Sonnett. 

Lindsey moved around her to be able to position Sonny in between her legs so she could lean back on Lindsey. She took Lindsey’s hand and traced her fingers, something she was familiar with when she had panic attacks. 

Emily’s panic attack progressed, though. She thought she wasn’t good enough. She thought that because of that Utah game, the Thorns intentionally tried to trade her away. She thought she just wasn’t good at soccer anymore.

Lindsey could see her brain at work, so she tried to distract her with kisses over her head. 

“Just Breath Em. Breath Sonny”


End file.
